If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The power of my boobs compel you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
