I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
