It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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