I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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