And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
