now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My life is pants optional.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize