Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
