My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
