I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
