I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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