ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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