Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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