So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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