I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i came on her dog
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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