my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
