If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
