I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And then my night got REAL pukey
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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