You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
