What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
