it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
