In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
