Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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