My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
