I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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