my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
