I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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