so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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