One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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