Are we in a gay sports bar?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
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I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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