Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
