A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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