Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
