Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
