a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
