i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
