I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
