A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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