The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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