she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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