Sry I called you an 8
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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