You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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