What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
