I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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