but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
