he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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