You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
