hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
