Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
