as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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