Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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