I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
