I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
