Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
even my farts smell like vagina
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
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We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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