Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
