dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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