He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
