I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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