I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
