she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
