oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
