so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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