I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
