dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
