just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
