i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
