Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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