I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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