belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
